It's a beautiful day in Pennsylvania. The sun is shining, sky is blue .... and so is my mood. There is something wrong with my "picture". I would rather be anywhere but home. (at least inside) I have lived here 13 years. We have built a home/family here. I hate it. The house. I feel, just like I did when the doctor called and asked me if I had an office or back store room to sit in... he waited till I was sitting, and told me, our son had a brain tumor. The air seemed to go out of my body and it would not come back in. I felt, like someone was squeezing the life out of me. That was in 2008. Actually July 6, 2008. Now I feel like that every time I am in my house. I am OK outside and at work, in the car and for the past month, sleeping in the back yard in the camper. I feel the house is killing me. Or trying too.
I made a decision the other day and immediately felt better. I would find a place of my own. Move out. Then of course, my thoughts went to my 4 kids and husband. How are they going to feel if I tell them that??
It isn't them. I don't want a divorce. I just need my own space. Is this a mid life crisis???? Or is it my mental health?? My "depression" taking over?? I only feel like I can breathe when I am away from the house... what do I do???
I feel that taking care of me is important. Especially since I have spent years not doing so. So what does a Mother/Wife do???
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